99福利视频
Food and Consciousness
Ah, October, one of my favorite seasons in Santa Fe, time to make my first apple pie of the season, and look forward to homemade muffins and breads, and the upcoming holidays. But this fall is different. I recently received a diagnosis of diabetes, which runs in our family. Actually, I was told 2 years ago that I was 鈥榓t risk鈥 but I chose to ignore it (it鈥檚 called denial), and kept right on eating the same way I always have, which is to say, pretty much whatever I had a hankering for. I didn鈥檛 want to admit that my 鈥榟ankerings鈥 were actually compulsions, my cravings for sugar and carbs actually addictions. Faced with this diagnosis, I had to take a hard look at my eating habits. Having gained some 35 pounds over the last few years, I was in a clothing size I didn鈥檛 want to be in, and dangerously close to spilling over to the next one. But vanity is only a small part of the problem.
It鈥檚 about having to examine my relationship with food over many years, beginning (as everything does) with my family of origin. We had to eat all of our dinner in order to get dessert. Sometimes that last bite of dinner was spit out into a napkin or in the toilet so I could get my dessert. We were always allowed to have candy, gum, cake and ice cream for 鈥榯reats鈥. Needless to say, I had very bad teeth as a child. Fortunately, I was not overweight as a child or teen, I don鈥檛 know how. Good genes, I guess. So my relationship with sugar as a treat or a reward goes way back. (I should mention that I had a sister who had an eating disorder from the age of 11 that she managed to hide from the family. She eventually died from it.)
I never thought of myself as an eating disordered person, although I can admit to 鈥榮neaking鈥 food, not wanting people to see me eat certain things, not wanting to tally up how many cookies or chips I had eaten that day, while craving pizza for dinner. There was always some kind of internal dialogue going on about food. 鈥淚f I have this, then I can鈥檛 have that. If I have this, I have to walk extra tonight. I鈥檒l just have a little bit. Then a little bit more鈥 If I don鈥檛 eat it all at one time, the calories don鈥檛 add up.鈥 Whatever my subjective justifications, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted. And I could get away with it pretty much through my 50鈥檚, as long as I exercised enough.
Every day I would start out saying to myself, 鈥淚鈥檓 going to do better with food today,鈥 then by afternoon I hadn鈥檛, because I could not control my craving for carbs. At the same time I was fully aware of when the craving hit me and why. I鈥檝e had the awareness for a long time. I just wasn鈥檛 ready or willing to do anything about it.
I know that I have a lot of emotional attachments to food, using it to fill all kinds of needs. I eat when I鈥檓 bored, when I鈥檓 lonely, when I鈥檓 stressed. I eat for comfort, to socialize, to celebrate, as a reward, as a treat, as a guilty pleasure. It鈥檚 a wonder I鈥檓 not 300 pounds. I think it鈥檚 because I was able to counter-balance my eating with the 鈥榓dult鈥 voice of reason. But the voice of reason only goes so far when you鈥檙e dealing with an addiction. And that, finally, is what I have to face, that it鈥檚 an addiction to sugar and carbs. And as with any addiction, there鈥檚 no 鈥榯apering off鈥 or moderating your intake, as in, I鈥檒l just have two little drinks today, or one little hit of heroine. There鈥檚 only going into 鈥榬ehab鈥 and stopping the addictive behavior altogether so you can forge new habits.
听With food, it鈥檚 not as easy to draw a line because you do have to eat to live. But you don鈥檛 have to eat pizza to live, or chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting, or pecan pie or rice pudding, or bread.
听
I feel blessed because right on the heels of my diabetes diagnosis, I received something about a food plan called Bright Line Eating in my email. Not sure why. I took the Susceptibility Test and saw that I am subject to compulsive and addictive eating patterns, which I already knew. That same week, I received in the mail a discourse from my spiritual teacher of some twenty years. What jumped out at me from it was this: 鈥淚t is time to address any remaining compulsive/addictive patterns in your life.鈥 Imagine all of this coming within the space of a week. I feel amazingly shaken up in a good way.
It got me to face the facts. You can鈥檛 practice a spiritual path for years and years with the object of expanding consciousness and ignore this one very significant area of your life. I am forced to bring consciousness to my eating habits, and it鈥檚 about time. As someone who has allowed myself to eat pretty much whatever I wanted, I thought I was going to hate weighing and measuring my food, but I don鈥檛. In fact, it brings me relief and peace to know exactly what I can eat and not eat. It quiets the endless mental chatter around food.
I鈥檝e experienced a lot of sadness and yes, even grieving, for all of the foods I have loved eating but can no longer eat. For me it was necessary to totally eliminate sugar and refined carbs, because I already know from years of experience that I can鈥檛 limit their intake with sheer will power. I am super motivated to pledge my allegiance to this food plan to turn the diabetes diagnosis around and lose the excess weight. I had to find one that I could totally resonate with, and this one found me. It鈥檚 called . If any of my story resonates with you, please look into it. It had taught me so much about the connection between brain chemistry and weight loss. In just one week, my cravings have diminished remarkably, because I鈥檓 not feeding them. I鈥檓 healing my brain and in the process, 鈥榰pleveling鈥 my consciousness with regard to my relationship with food. Weighing and measuring my food and sticking to the plan are not nearly as hard as I imagined it would be. And I鈥檝e lost 4 pounds the first week!
听 
Stopping sugar and carbs (and yes, this includes artificial sweeteners and even Stevia) has had other more subtle effects. I feel peaceful rather than anxious about food. When I have my plan meal, I鈥檓 done. I feel clearer and more accepting about myself and my body. I feel a new appreciation for myself in taking on this challenge. Instead of thinking about everything I can鈥檛 eat, I fix my plate and appreciate all the good food I CAN eat and still lose weight. I am committed to 60 days on this plan. At the end of that time, I am thinking that my new way of eating will be firmly established.
